Unit 3.5: The Value of Picking Your Battles Wisely

  What do we do when a situation is going Negative?

  Wouldn't be great if we could easily learn how to have healthy interactions that if they are going negative; can still include respectful conflict; or no conflict at all? 

  Let's talk about the Value of Picking your battles wisely -- What would that be worth if I could do it well?  First, I will need to be doing some thinking, feeling, waiting, planning, accepting and moving forward with courage.

Here are some Steps for when a Situation Seems to be Going Negative: 

  THINK ABOUT IT:

  Is it worth it?  Is it worth losing everything?

  So then, why be in such a hurry?

  What's the emergency here?
  
  Do You really have to do something right now?  

  Wouldn't it be better if you waited until you had a good plan?

  So think about this first: Do you really want to die on that hill?  Is this situation really worth the risks that it carries?

  Or do you want to live to fight another day?  Perhaps you could win if you wait a little longer?

  Lots of times, we pick the wrong battles.

  And Lots of Other times, we pick pretty good battles; but instead of retreating or regrouping when we really should; we stick it out until we get totally demolished.

  After-all, Why do you think they have Time Outs in Football?  It sure beats get beat.


So then, Maby I need to Learn how to Walk Away Respectfully. 

 Check out this really short story....  It goes like this:

  •   I used to get angry really easily when I was stressed out, disappointed, in a hurry or even when I was feeling under pressure.  When I was like that, I would get into lots of situations where I was being verbally abusive or at least emotionally abusive to people who really did not deserve it at all.  And it costs a whole lot in the long run.  It wasn't worth it to let my Anger get me into such situations with people that I thought I cared about.
  •   So, I had to learn to try and relax, take deep breaths, and let the stress of the situation go away first; so that I could prevent myself from making a fool of myself (once again!).
  •   I had to learn about the value of Wisdom & Prudence: I had to learn how to Make the Right Choice by using wisdom and being Prudent.  Be wise.  And always do the right thing at the right time -- if at all.  (Read that again... about 10 times.  What is Wisdom?  And What is Prudence?).
    • Wisdom is: "the soundness of an action or decision with regard to the application of experience, knowledge, and good judgment" (Source).
    • Prudence is: "the ability to govern and discipline oneself by the use of reason" (Source).
    • In the Long Run, Who is gonna be impacted by what I do here and now?  And how is that going to impact their quality of Life?  And do I really want to live with that on my head?

  •   Why not try Listening for a good long while before acting: The key to good communication is Listening.  Try to Listen more than you Talk.  Some people lack the patience to ask for, or to give clarification.  This can lead to misunderstandings and big mistakes.  And Misunderstandings can lead to more anger and serious conflict or even violence.  While big Mistakes can be costly.  So try Listening without becoming defensive, without trying to make excuses, without minimizing or denying their concerns, and without trying to make oneself the center of attention.  Can you do it?
  •   Empathy: Try to understand what the other person is feeling and thinking.  What are his or her struggles today?  How do his or her feelings get impacted when I am impatient or rude to them?  "Having empathy increases the likelihood of helping others and showing compassion."  In this way, Empathy might in fact lead to Sympathy.  “Empathy is a building block of morality—for people to follow the Golden Rule, it helps if they can put themselves in someone else’s shoes,” according to the Greater Good Science Center: Empathy “is also a key ingredient of successful relationships because it helps us understand the perspectives, needs, and intentions of others.” (Lesley.edu, 2019).
  •   Now, try and little more Patience: Be patient when stressed or disappointed -- ESPECIALLY when stressed or disappointed.  Take it Easy.  Try to Breath (Take slow deep breaths in; hold them; and then slow deep breaths out).  Relax.  Take a Time Out.  
  •   Then when thinking more clearly, one might just find some Serenity:  Figure out the difference between things I can control and the things I cannot control.  There is no sense in stressing too hard about something that I cannot control -- right?.
  •   Practice Humility:  Learn that I am not perfect.  Hence, I should never expect anyone else to be perfect either.  I need to Always remember to recognize my own Humility in such situations, so that if/when I feel a need to confront someone else, I can do it in a Humble fashion.  Thus they will not feel insulted or put down.  That's important.
  •   Take Accountability: Take Accountability and Ownership for my part in either creating, inspiring or influencing the mess that's causing the problems at hand.  
  •   Develop the Courage to Change in a Postive Way -- Do I have it?  Do you get it?  Can your do it?


A List of Key Ingredients to Success at 

Picking Your Battles Wisely Could Include the following:

      • Choose Wisely
      • Be Prudent
      • Listen good.  Really good!
      • Take your time.  Take it Easy.  Try to Breath.  Relax.  Take a Time Out.
      • Have Empathy.
      • Practice Your Patience.  
      • Learn some New Methods that you can easily use quickly.
      • Think Clearly.
      • Recognize and Find your sense of Serenity.
      • Practice Humility.
      • Become Accountable.
      • Develop the Courage to Change in a Positive Way.


*** Please Click Here to Complete your Conflict Prevention Worksheet. ***


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